when age matters in marriage

THE marriage of a man to a woman more than twice his age is unheard of in many African cultures.
So when Peter Mbugua, 28, wedded up to his 67-year-old bride Wambui Otieno in images broadcast on television on July 18, 2003, many Kenyans were in shock and disgust.
Newspapers splashed pictures of the newly-weds dressed in matching beige outfits across their front pages and national broadcasters led their news bulletins with the wedding.
The debate whether a person should marry someone older or younger than him/her in African community is determined by culture, individual taste, body changes, security and love.Katungulu Akram Ssonko, Sexual and Reproductive Health, HIV/AIDS Counselor, Makerere University Hospital said that women tend to look for older men since their believe they can provide security in all their life.Most girls tend to look for a man who is well established financially; with a good house, employed and with a car. However, the generation we are living it’s very hard to find a young man who has all this. This mostly lends to cross generation sex.Maria* a married woman said that she married to someone who gives her financial security. “You look for quality; a person who loves me and has money,” Maria* said.She adds that as long as the man supports the family and loves her more than she loves him age is not a priority provided the man is mature.Gerald Kuboomu a community psychologist says that it’s very hard now days for man to find a woman to marry if he is jobless. “Love is based on something. Materialistic; where people want to drive cars and the only way they can do that is getting someone older with a car,” said Kuboomu.Many women now days want to marry someone who is learned, a professional and have a job.Kazibwe Sarah, Personal Assistant Makerere University Institute of Psychology said, “Marrying someone who is jobless is risky; I want someone loving, a professional with a job, and who understand my culture.”Kazibwe will only marry a person who is older than her with a maximum of five years. She adds that she can only marry a person of the same age if he is mature and has ideal thinking.However for Doreen Adhiabo a student at Makerere University said that she will not particularly look for a man who has money but someone with potential of getting the money. “The maximum age I would look is five-year old man than me. Who loves me and has potential of getting cash,” said Adhiabo.Most relationship built on the materialistic ground, do not succeed and most time end up in disarray. In fact the instability in most marriages today is due to people who married because of something in return. A long lasting marriage should be built on true love, faithfulness and mutual respect.Fred Kagombe a Civil Servant who is in his early thirties says that people get married to economically empower themselves. “People are looking for green pastures in marriage. The youth are the losers. To me it’s not advisable to date someone because of the money,” said Kagombe.Women tend to grow faster than men. Therefore, it’s always advisable for woman to look someone older than her. The minimum number of years should not exceed five to seven years. “A man of 20 years and a woman of 20 years you can hardly compare them. As woman grows she depreciates,” said Katungulu.Shamin Nansamba a student at Makerere University said that she can’t marry someone younger than her since women tend to mature faster than men. “I will marry someone older than me; with over three to five years. This because we grow faster than men,” said Nansamba.“Ladies tend to grow older and change shape easily as time elapse,” Kagombe agrees. The culture expects a young man to date and get married to younger lady than him. However, today many young men are dating older women claiming they don’t need spending on them. In fact many married women have fallen prey to such men. most of the older women are financially stable and they are just looking for sexual satisfaction and running away from bad marriages.
Young men dating such women argue that married and old women are well trained by their husbands and have their bed room technique perfected. Some also says that old women are not clingy and don’t demand quality time or weekends out of town. All a married woman needs is an hour of stolen time and everything good.Respect is vital in marriage. Many people consider someone of the same age as a peer and hence not accorded the respect he/ she deserves.Katungulu said that many women to look men of the same age as unrespectable and as a brother. ‘The world we are living in we stay as brothers; if you a man is same age with a lady she will always compare him as brother and not as a husband,” said the Counselor.
There is no denying that times have changed and marriage has lost its meaning. The culture we live in has largely dismissed the significance of marriage.This has led to young men and women lose confidence in the idea of fidelity, believing that all people out there are in capable of being faithful. With the recent reports on HIV Response and Mode of Transmission, showing that married couples are at risk of being infected with HIV/AIDS the perceptions is even worrying.Marriage oaths taken in church are never taken seriously. People have shunned away from being faithful to their partners.Katungulu says that this should not threaten people from getting married since if you are not married you think every woman/man around is yours. However, marriage remains the best option. This is to deter men chasing anything in a skirt, and to avoid women who fancy men simply because someone chooses him its better to get married and be faithful. Age is one ideology that someone should carefully analyses before tying the knot.SEnd…………..